I recently re-dedicated my life to the Lord. I found it really tough to do so (especially with regard to trusting the Lord) due to my orientation. I’m born a homosexual. I do understand and believe that it is wrong, according to the Word of God. The Lord has given me so much peace over the past year regarding this. Peace over suicidal thoughts, and thinking that God didn’t really create me or that I’m not His child.
My question is, now that my orientation is such, am I allowed to marry a woman? How do I go about this when I attain the age?
I understand about the will of God in my life and I have prayed that His will should be done. My desire is to serve the Lord more (be it in marriage or celibacy). The more I have started depending on the Lord, the more these questions have stopped bothering me. But I sometimes feel it would be nice to have some answers.
I praise God for giving you the conviction to honour God with your body, despite the situation you are in. The fact that you have decided to swim against the tide of today’s popular culture is both appreciable and praiseworthy.
Homosexuality is one among several sins the Bible condemns. It is important to note that, while it is condemnable like all other sins, a person who struggles with same sex attraction cannot be looked upon as a ‘worse’ sinner. Jesus considered lust for someone of the opposite gender with committing adultery itself (Matthew 5:27-28). Yet, too often in spiritual circles, one sees homosexuality being singled out as being one of the most despicable sins, a position that is not rooted in the Word of God. Leviticus 18 lays down the law on immoral relationships and it is clear that homosexuality was one among several other sexual sins like incest, bestiality and more. Let us not imagine, therefore, that adultery or fornication are, in any way, lesser or ‘nicer’ sins than homosexuality.
Let us not imagine, therefore, that adultery or fornication are, in any way, lesser or ‘nicer’ sins than homosexuality
As a consequence of the fall, sin manifests itself in different ways in people. Moses had the sin of anger, while it was adultery for David and covetousness with Ananias and Sapphira. In some people, it manifests in the form of same sex attraction.
Paul writes his letter to the Corinthians in the context of a society that is plagued and infested by sexual immorality. In this portion of Scripture, we can see the contrast of the depravity of man and the power of the gospel to heal and redeem the fallen. 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 says:
9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, 10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
The Corinthian church comprised of those redeemed from various forms of sin, including homosexuality. You must rejoice in the fact that God sees you equally as any other sinner who is redeemed by the power of the gospel.
With regard to your specific question on marriage, having seen, observed, interacted with and read about individuals who are same-sex attracted, my advice would be to not rush into marriage without proper thought and much prayer. I personally know of a girl who was honest about her past with the individual she eventually married; however, the marriage collapsed within a year. On the contrary, I have read and watched the testimony of an individual who was same sex attracted and has now been married for years and is in a happy relationship with his wife. God has blessed them with children as well and they are in Christian ministry. This couple was honest with each other right from their courtship days and involved godly people to help them through their relationship and their eventual decision to marry.
In some cultures, there is huge pressure on an individual to marry at a certain age and staying single is often frowned upon. However, in 1 Corinthians, Paul does not just okay singleness but recommends it to his readers as something worthy of emulation from him. While marriage is God’s design for individuals and provides the means to fulfil an individual’s sexual needs and procreate like God commanded at the beginning, it is not to be gotten into to heal one’s sexual brokenness or to complete an individual’s life. Jesus, Paul (for at least most of his life), John the Baptist, and the prophet Jeremiah are worthy examples of those who lived a fulfilling life in God’s service and were single.
While marriage is God’s design, it is not to be gotten into to heal one’s sexual brokenness or to complete an individual’s life
I’d encourage you to ask yourself, with the help of godly brothers/elders, why you desire to get married. If it is to conform to your society and its culture, I would urge you to abstain. However, if you sense God leading you to consider marriage, it is advisable that you involve godly and compassionate people in your journey who can pray, counsel and walk with you to help you determine what is best for your life, and for a life of being the salt and light of the world, like the Word of God asks us to be. My prayers are assured for your emotional and spiritual wellbeing.
In closing, I want to leave you with Ephesians 6:10: Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. There is much strength to be found in the Lord and in His endless resources.
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