How can I stop raging at myself?

I have been dealing with uncontrollable anger. I want to say that it’s only certain situations that trigger me, but I don’t know, maybe I have an actual problem too. My moments of irrational anger don’t last long; they’re usually heightened when I feel rubbish about myself or when I’m having a bad week — they’re quite infrequent — but in those times, I really rage at myself, loathe myself and cannot stop from using every unspeakable foul word on myself in my mind. It scares me, because what if I explode at someone else this way some day? It’s never happened, but I desperately need help before it gets to that point. 

First of all, this is an excellent question about anger, and especially the anger we turn inward on ourselves. It manifests itself as self-hatred, disgust, self-loathing, self-condemnation, self-punishment. In addition, we have the tendency to self-medicate, and self-soothe through various unhealthy addictions as well. It can be a vicious cycle that is fed and perpetuated by shame. I would say that one of the most helpful and most important steps to break free is to recognise and admit that you are stuck in this trap. So, I would say, “Congratulations,” to you my friend, for recognising and sharing this struggle. 

Next, I would say, stop giving yourself permission to treat yourself in this way. You would never want to treat anyone else in the entire world in the same harsh and abusive way you treat yourself. I wonder, in those moments when you are most condemning of yourself, what Christ would say to you in that very moment. In my own life, I have learnt that I cannot trust my ‘self’ in those most self-destructive, self-condemning moments. I cannot trust my negative, devastating, condemning thoughts and feelings about who I am, or the painful, heartbreaking statements that others have told me in my past. I must trust a greater source of truth that does not change — the truth of God’s Word.

I have learnt that I cannot trust my ‘self’ in my most self-destructive, self-condemning moments

Nothing has helped me more with not seeing myself as the most despicable person on the planet than daily saturating my mind and heart and soul with the truths of who God is and who I am in Him. Nothing has helped to transform my identity more than to base who I am upon the truths found in God’s Word.

Finally, I would say enlist the help of some trusted, mature, Christian friends, a pastor or youth minister, a Christian counsellor (or all of the above) to walk alongside you in this process. 

An excellent question, my friend, from one struggler to another.